04/19/2019
SWAT basic was a blast. I remember your face when Bill blasted us with that air horn for talking too loud, talking with our firing hand or going to fast/slow. Best thing I remember was your laugh. Even when we were sprinting and crawling through the grass, team building on the playground or clearing the rooms. I caught a small glimpse of who you were and staying in touch afterwards was beneficial. Seeing your family begin was awesome to see and it was clear how big your heart was for them.
When I heard about the shooting on Sunday morning, it was heartbreaking. I was at Military drill and was curious to hear how the Deputy was doing. It was my daughters birthday and we were celebrating later that day. I remember when I got the message that it was you. We were at dinner and I had to go outside. It was shocking to hear and then see it confirmed shortly later. We weren’t best friends, but we were brothers. I then gathered myself and went back in and hugged my daughter, son and wife tightly.
Weird thing; I confused my feelings of wanting to have been there to try and do something with I should have been there to do something. Even though it is unreasonable to think that, I felt it. I felt guilty that I wasn’t there even though it was hours away and not my beat. I felt guilty for being able to enjoy my family, knowing that one of the best of us didn’t get to do that with his wife and daughter.
Best thing I could do the next day was my job and to do it well. While we weren’t super close, it still hurt. But I knew the best thing I could do would be to honor you by strapping up and doing the blessed job that you gave your life for.
It is clear that you were not just successful, but you were significant. You were one of the best.
Once more into the fray;
Into the last good fight I’ll ever know;
Live and die on this day.
Live and die on this day.
